Looking down

Looking down on myself–literally and figuratively–I don’t recognize myself lately. That sounds rather dramatic, but really it’s just the extra 5, 10, 20 lbs I have hanging out below my neck and above my ankles. I know weight is just a number, and I know my number fluctuates differently if I gain muscle too versus just plain dropping weight.

But when I look down I see curves in places that don’t feel like me. Lines and lumps and bumps that are unfamiliar. My clothes all still fit, but I’m maxing out their capacity in a bunching-pulling-falling-riding-up sort of way. I feel too sedentary and even though I talk the talk, what I eat is only borderline acceptable to my standards.

I’m going to make changes. I’m not sure what they are yet. But they’re going to happen and I’m going to figure it out. I’m sure I’ll falter (as I have been over these past months/years), but I’m hoping a little public-ish announcement like this might give a hint of accountability.

Random late night blog post is random.

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